Setting Boundries

 Setting Boundaries 

Children thrive on consistency and structure.  They find safety in knowing what to expect but they will also test the limits as they learn to navigate the world.  It is the adult's job to create environments that balance the need to explore and test the limits, with structure and calm. 

If you were to remember two things no matter what age your child is, it would be; remain calm and be consistent!  Children react to our verbal and body cues and will behave accordingly.  If your reaction to their behavior in any way gives them attention (positive or negative) they are gaining knowledge from that interaction.  “If I throw my toys Mommy stops what she is doing and pays attention to me.” Of course this is not your intention but it is the message that is sent.   Children learn how to behave from how we react to their behavior!

Toddlers:

Instead of yelling or explaining why not to throw etc., in the moment, try not to react in any way.  Address the behavior by simply going to your child and saying something such as “we do not throw our toys”.  Pick up what was thrown and try to  distract them with a positive fun activity with you.  

Older Toddlers and Preschoolers:

Given the same scenario if your child is calm, you could explain if appropriate, why you should not throw things indoors. Use the same tactics of remaining calm but you may want to add, “if you continue to throw your toy, you will lose the privilege of playing with it today.”   Make sure to use simple phrases.

Letting your child know the boundaries and expectations of their behavior will lead to less power struggles and tantrums, however, if these are new strategies, you should be prepared for behaviors to increase for a short time until your child understands that redirection from you will be predictable.

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