Helping Your Child Learn to Play Independently


Helping Your Child Learn to Play Independently

With over 30 years of experience working with children, one of the questions I am asked multiple times a year is:
“How do I get my child to play by themselves? They want me to entertain them constantly.”

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Many parents feel pressure to be constantly engaged, especially during early childhood. The good news is that there are simple, effective steps you can take to help your child feel comfortable, confident, and capable of playing independently.

Start by Setting Clear Expectations

The first step is to set expectations and clearly communicate them to your child. Whether you are trying to cook dinner, clean up, or work from home, expectations should always be realistic and attainable.

For example, you might say:
“I am going to wash the dishes, and you can play with your playdough. When I’m finished, we will play a game together.”

This approach lets your child know:

  •           What you are doing
  •           What they are expected to do
  •           That connection will come afterward

When expectations are attainable, children are more likely to be successful. Success builds confidence, and confidence encourages independent play—even if it starts with just a few minutes.

Create a Safe and Inviting Play Space

Once expectations are set, the next step is creating a safe, inviting area where your child feels comfortable playing on their own. This doesn’t require a large space or expensive materials. These ideas can be adapted to almost any home using furniture and items you already have.

My Three Rules for Setting Up Play Spaces

1. Get Rid of the Toy Box

Large toy boxes can be overwhelming. When children have to dig through piles of toys, play often turns into dumping rather than engaging.

Instead, display toys so your child can clearly see what is available. Visible choices make it easier for children to decide what to play with and help them feel more in control of their environment.

2. Invest in One or Two Sets of Shelves

Shelves do not need to be expensive, but they should be low enough for your child to reach independently. Use trays, baskets, or plastic bins to organize toys, and make sure all pieces for each activity are kept together.

This setup:

  •           Helps children see their choices

  •           Encourages organizational skills

  •           Teaches order and responsibility

Cleanup also becomes much easier. When your child finishes with a toy, it goes back into its basket or onto its tray and then back on the shelf.

You may also want to include a child-sized table and chair or a cozy rug with pillows. Preschool-aged children often prefer playing on the floor, so make sure the space is comfortable, safe, and inviting for exploration.

What to Put on the Shelves

If you’re wondering what to place on the shelves, try designating each shelf for a specific type of activity.

  • Arts and crafts shelf: A basket with crayons, paper, and—if age appropriate—scissors, glue, stickers, and other creative materials.

  • Small toys and games shelf: Smaller baskets or trays with items like Matchbox cars, simple games, or manipulatives.

  • Bottom shelves: Larger items such as dolls and dress-up clothes, large LEGO sets, or building blocks. Heavier toys belong on lower shelves so children can access them safely.

3. Less Is Best

Too many toys can be overwhelming and make it harder for children to choose what to play with. Have you ever packed up toys to donate, only for your child to suddenly become attached to something they hadn’t touched in months?

Limiting choices often leads to deeper, more meaningful play. Rotate toys when your child loses interest and bring them back out at a later time. Pay attention to what your child is playing with so you know when it’s time to rotate items.

Building Independence Through Trust

As your child becomes more confident choosing what to play with, you can gradually increase your expectations for independent play. Just as important as setting expectations is following through.

If you say, “I am going to wash the dishes, and you can play with your playdough. When I’m done, we will play a game,” be sure you follow through with that game.

A child’s sense of safety and security is closely tied to their independence. When children trust that you will do what you say, they feel secure—and that security gives them the confidence to play on their own.

Independent play doesn’t happen overnight. It grows through consistency, thoughtful environments, and trusting relationships. With time and patience, your child will learn that they are capable, creative, and confident all on their own.



  


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Setting Boundries

  Setting Boundaries  Children thrive on consistency and structure.  They find safety in knowing what to expect but they will also test the limits as they learn to navigate the world.  It is the adult's job to create environments that balance the need to explore and test the limits, with structure and calm.  If you were to remember two things no matter what age your child is, it would be; remain calm and be consistent!   Children react to our verbal and body cues and will behave accordingly.  If your reaction to their behavior in any way gives them attention (positive or negative) they are gaining knowledge from that interaction.  “If I throw my toys Mommy stops what she is doing and pays attention to me.” Of course this is not your intention but it is the message that is sent.   Children learn how to behave from how we react to their behavior! Toddlers: Instead of yelling or explaining why not to throw etc., in the moment, try not to react i...
Read more

Best Gifts Are Not Electronic

Tis the season!  I came across this article this morning  Blocks and crayons, balls and tricycles beat video games for kids' gift  and wanted to share.  When shopping for gifts this year, whether for your child, niece or nephew, or grandkids keep it "old school".  Our children live in a world of over stimulation.  Everywhere you go there is a TV (try and find a family restaurant that does not have one!), any kind of music is at our fingertips, you can watch a movie or play a game at the touch of a button.  No set up, no wait time needed.  Even games I played as a kid can be found with a electronic element. Life was my favorite.  I liked spinning the wheel.  I do not like the new version with the "credit card machine".  I have an unwritten rule in the classroom and when my kids were under 3, if it required batteries or needs to be charged it I will not or did not buy it!  Children need experiences to be successful. Advertisi...
Read more

Successful Transitions

Image
You are a couple weeks into the new school year and your child was excited at first, but now is upset, crying, apprehensive, etc.  What happened? I like to think of the first couple days/weeks as the honeymoon period.  Everything is new and exciting. For older students the expectations are less in the beginning of the year.  Fast forward a few days/weeks and now "reality has set in", the honeymoon is over.  This phase will too pass and your child will become normalized to the routines and expectations of their school program. Consistency at home and at school is a key component to their success. If you have concerns don't hesitate to speak to their teacher/child care provider.  Tips on making a positive school transition *Keep a consistent morning routine.  There is safety in knowing what comes next. *Tell your child what to expect at drop off and follow thru.  Teachers and child care providers expect to handle some tears and anxieties.  Ask...
Read more