Managing Undesirable Behaviors
We have all been there. The moment where you realize you've pushed your child a bit too far trying to get that one last errand in, or when the temper tantrum that could shatter glass starts. You saw it coming but could not stop it. Or could you?
Often times we fail to look at ourselves and take accountability for the actions or lack there of that we took to contribute to the undesirable behavior. I am not making excuses for you child's behavior, however as the parent sometimes we need to look to ourselves to see how we could have managed a situation better.
Lets take the grocery store for example. Your child is tired but you need a few things for dinner. While in the store your child sees a toy they want in one of the aisles. You say no. They cry. You say no again, They cry harder. You get frustrated (and maybe embarrassed). Your child realizes this. The last time you were in a store and they cried for the candy at checkout you eventually gave in. They then make an unconscious decision to continue as they know eventually they will get the toy. So I ask you what could you have done today to avoid this?
First of all your child is tired. You know it is going to be challenge and it is unrealistic to expect your toddler or preschooler to hold it together in the same way an adult does. Be prepared. Give them a job, make it a game (give them a treasure hunt grocery list), allow them to have some control and choose a snack item for after nap. Perhaps the most important action for this instance and many others is to not react to their undesirable behavior. Children attach so much emotion and behavior to our reactions. If we give them no input (positive or negative) in these situations they have nothing to hold on to. You may want to try calmly saying "no we are not buying that today. I will not change my mind". Keep calm, do not show emotion. Let them cry. When they calm down praise them at that point. Remember if you give in once to their demand during a "tantrum" you will have to start all over again!
In general I think the most important rules of parenting is consistency and follow thru. If you say "no" make sure you are going to see it thru. On the same note if you say "yes" be prepared to follow thru with that as well. In this way you child always knows what to expect and that they can count on you. This is very important to a child who is beginning to figure out the world and social situations. You are their first teachers. They use their experiences with you as their guideline.
Often times we fail to look at ourselves and take accountability for the actions or lack there of that we took to contribute to the undesirable behavior. I am not making excuses for you child's behavior, however as the parent sometimes we need to look to ourselves to see how we could have managed a situation better.
Lets take the grocery store for example. Your child is tired but you need a few things for dinner. While in the store your child sees a toy they want in one of the aisles. You say no. They cry. You say no again, They cry harder. You get frustrated (and maybe embarrassed). Your child realizes this. The last time you were in a store and they cried for the candy at checkout you eventually gave in. They then make an unconscious decision to continue as they know eventually they will get the toy. So I ask you what could you have done today to avoid this?
First of all your child is tired. You know it is going to be challenge and it is unrealistic to expect your toddler or preschooler to hold it together in the same way an adult does. Be prepared. Give them a job, make it a game (give them a treasure hunt grocery list), allow them to have some control and choose a snack item for after nap. Perhaps the most important action for this instance and many others is to not react to their undesirable behavior. Children attach so much emotion and behavior to our reactions. If we give them no input (positive or negative) in these situations they have nothing to hold on to. You may want to try calmly saying "no we are not buying that today. I will not change my mind". Keep calm, do not show emotion. Let them cry. When they calm down praise them at that point. Remember if you give in once to their demand during a "tantrum" you will have to start all over again!
In general I think the most important rules of parenting is consistency and follow thru. If you say "no" make sure you are going to see it thru. On the same note if you say "yes" be prepared to follow thru with that as well. In this way you child always knows what to expect and that they can count on you. This is very important to a child who is beginning to figure out the world and social situations. You are their first teachers. They use their experiences with you as their guideline.
Yep. People, not just children, need food, sleep, and predictability. Adults are just better at dealing with a lack of them, because we're practiced at it.
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