Montessori Moms: Planting the Seeds of Growth

Helping Your Child Learn to Play Independently With over 30 years of experience working with children, one of the questions I am asked multiple times a year is: “How do I get my child to play by themselves? They want me to entertain them constantly.” If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Many parents feel pressure to be constantly engaged, especially during early childhood. The good news is that there are simple, effective steps you can take to help your child feel comfortable, confident, and capable of playing independently. Start by Setting Clear Expectations The first step is to set expectations and clearly communicate them to your child. Whether you are trying to cook dinner, clean up, or work from home, expectations should always be realistic and attainable . For example, you might say: “I am going to wash the dishes, and you can play with your playdough. When I’m finished, we will play a game together.” This approach lets your child know:         ...

  Setting Boundaries  Children thrive on consistency and structure.  They find safety in knowing what to expect but they will also test the limits as they learn to navigate the world.  It is the adult's job to create environments that balance the need to explore and test the limits, with structure and calm.  If you were to remember two things no matter what age your child is, it would be; remain calm and be consistent!   Children react to our verbal and body cues and will behave accordingly.  If your reaction to their behavior in any way gives them attention (positive or negative) they are gaining knowledge from that interaction.  “If I throw my toys Mommy stops what she is doing and pays attention to me.” Of course this is not your intention but it is the message that is sent.   Children learn how to behave from how we react to their behavior! Toddlers: Instead of yelling or explaining why not to throw etc., in the moment, try not to react i...

You are a couple weeks into the new school year and your child was excited at first, but now is upset, crying, apprehensive, etc.  What happened? I like to think of the first couple days/weeks as the honeymoon period.  Everything is new and exciting. For older students the expectations are less in the beginning of the year.  Fast forward a few days/weeks and now "reality has set in", the honeymoon is over.  This phase will too pass and your child will become normalized to the routines and expectations of their school program. Consistency at home and at school is a key component to their success. If you have concerns don't hesitate to speak to their teacher/child care provider.  Tips on making a positive school transition *Keep a consistent morning routine.  There is safety in knowing what comes next. *Tell your child what to expect at drop off and follow thru.  Teachers and child care providers expect to handle some tears and anxieties.  Ask...

My least favorite thing to do is make school lunches.  I have seen parents stress over what to pack, how to keep the food hot/cold or worry that their child won't eat or not like what they sent.  Making school lunches can be stress free and should involve your child.  I've listed some tips on packing school lunches that will hopefully keep your mornings running smoothly and your child's tummy full. 1. Get your child involved.  What do they like?  What can they help prepare?  Set up a lunch station and get your child involved. lunch station 2. Don't stress if they want the same thing everyday.  If their diet is well balanced there is no need to worry (side note, this is my personal opinion, I am not a dietian or a doctor).  Chidlren like stability and there is comfort if they know what to expect in their lunch boxes. 3.  Show them how to open and close their lunch containers and let them practice.  Lunch time independence is import...

Lets face it many of this have this notion that summertime must be filled with trips, BBQ's, daily organized events, camps etc in order to create wonderful memories for our children.  Take a minute and think back to your childhood at 3, 4 or 5 years old or even 6, 7 or 8.  What do you remember most? My husband remembers, playing outside and eating corn on the cob at the picnic table in the back yard.  I remember running around the yard in the rain and wading in the creek at my Nana's house.  Simple, sponatneous, and unscripted memories.  Memories that make us smile and remember simpler times.  i think we turned out OK! I hear parents stress about planning elaborate vacations or experiences for their families, finding the best summer camps or scouring pinterest for craft projects (ones that take hours to prepare and capture our children's interest for 5 minuts).  I give you permission to let your children to be bored!  From boredom comes cr...

Tis the season!  I came across this article this morning  Blocks and crayons, balls and tricycles beat video games for kids' gift  and wanted to share.  When shopping for gifts this year, whether for your child, niece or nephew, or grandkids keep it "old school".  Our children live in a world of over stimulation.  Everywhere you go there is a TV (try and find a family restaurant that does not have one!), any kind of music is at our fingertips, you can watch a movie or play a game at the touch of a button.  No set up, no wait time needed.  Even games I played as a kid can be found with a electronic element. Life was my favorite.  I liked spinning the wheel.  I do not like the new version with the "credit card machine".  I have an unwritten rule in the classroom and when my kids were under 3, if it required batteries or needs to be charged it I will not or did not buy it!  Children need experiences to be successful. Advertisi...

We all know it's coming especially if you live in the Northeast like I do.  Winter!  Its just around the corner and with it comes long cold days and being stuck inside!  I am a huge believer in being outside whenever possible but some years the winter weather does not always cooperate. As parents we are faced with the task of balancing our children's independent play, use of their imagination and exploration of the world vs. organizing their activities and constantly "playing" with them.  I personally aimed for an environment that allowed exploration, independence, imagination and quality 1:1, however I did have to think out of the box and organize some play options for them during our times stuck inside, or I would have gone a bit crazy! I loved to go a bit "old school" and get all the blankets and chairs and pillows and make forts.  We had tea parties, played board games, decorated large boxes as cars and went to the"drive in" while watching ...

As we know getting ourselves out of the house in the morning can be crazy enough, but add to that a child or two, a pet, making lunches, prepping dinner so you don't eat at 10 PM and maybe throwing in a load of laundry from the wet bed sheets the night before, brings it to an entirely new level! Creating routines for your family, especially your children can help make your morning go smoother, at least 90% of the time.  A few things to remember when creating a routine for the family: Keep it simple .  Simplicity is our school motto this year.  Don't get too detailed.  Use picture cards if your child does not read.   Get your kids involved .  Let them have some say in the routine if applicable.  Use a chart if helpful.  If they want to get dressed before breakfast be flexible. Communication is KEY .  Make sure your child knows what is expected of them and try your best to stick to it.  Once established you can be a bit more ...

Montessori Moms: Planting the Seeds of Growth: Managing Undesirable Behaviors : We have all been there.  The moment where you realize you've pushed your child a bit too far trying to get that one last errand in, or w...

As many of us have realized the demands of Kindergarten students have increased immensely in recent years.  I am a firm believer that children are underestimated in their abilities.They need to explore the world, try new things and learn to be independent I have sent three children of my own to Kindergarten and have taught too many to count over the last 22 years. I have compiled a list of eight skills that all Kindergarten students should have before September and it has almost nothing to do with academics. 1.  Children should be able to sit and listen to a story with no interruption or talking.  They should also be able to retell that story in sequential order. 2.  Children should be independent in the bathroom.   This one is so important! Teachers will not be able to assist each individual child with cleaning themselves, or buttoning pants etc. 3.  Children should know how to buckle themselves in a seat belt.   Most children are still in som...

Let me start by saying I have been a parent for 18 years and so much has changed in that short time. I have also been teaching for 22 years and have witnessed many changes in the way we choose to raise our children.  With these changes also came huge advances in technology for families. We have also become a culture of convenience. So what does this all mean? As a 45 year old each advancement was and is new and exciting to me.  I love being able to DVR my favorite shows or binge watch a series on a Friday night.  I love being able to put away the cookbooks and use my Ipad to look up recipes.  The big clunky phone book has been recycled and replaced with google.  I love texting and Facetime, but I also remember the days before all this new technology gave me instant gratification.  My oldest child seems to be of the age where, although smart phones, apple music etc. were new, they quickly became part of his culture. My younger two children seem to be bor...

Spring time might actually be a more stressful time for 4 and 5 year old children than Christmas time. The Spring brings new life to the outdoors and with that comes daylight savings time, sports, later nights outside playing and Kindergarten registration.  All this leads the way to very tired children. Lets start with the outdoors.  All winter we have been couped up inside tying to find a creative way to release their energy.  We are able to get outside for a bit some days but the children are typically so bundled up they can barely move much less run around.  Now comes the warmer days.  You are going on bike rides, playing at the park, running in the backyard.  You can stay out for 2,3,4 hours without getting frost bite.  We are tiring our children out with fresh air and exercise.  It is still light out at 8 PM. They don't want to go to bed when it's light out and either do we! For some 4 and 5 year olds this is their first chance to play o...

Lunch Time Success Lunch at school can be a stressful time especially when it is a child’s first time eating a meal away from Mom and Dad.  As parents our tendency is to “help” them aim for success but sometimes that help leads to stress when your child does not have practice making mealtime decisions or know how to open containers, eat a sandwich etc.   As many of our students are getting ready to move on to their next educational milestone we wanted to touch upon this to help prepare both parents and students. Below are some tips to help with lunch time success.  Children heading to Kindergarten or first grade in the fall should be able independently accomplish these tasks. Pack food your child likes.  Even if it is the same every day! Don’t overpack worrying they will be hungry.  Maybe pack 1 extra item, however you know how much your child typically  eats and you should pack accordingly. Make sure to follow the school rules r...

Many of us remember family meals growing up.  Dinner at my house was, for the most part, the same time every night and you were expected to be home.  (sporting events and work were the exceptions as we got older)  When I had my children I swore we would eat together every night.  And we did, for a while.  When my oldest was born we put his seat at the table with us.  We talked to him and included him throughout the meal as he grew older.  When our second came along, it was pretty much the same. Then came #3. By that time the oldest was playing recreational sports and practices started at 5/5:30.  We needed to eat and get out the door with a baby and toddler in tow, during some of the crankiest times of the day.  I was not thinking we should be eating together.  I was thinking that I didn't know how I was going to survive the day, the week, the season. We still made time for family dinner on non-practice nights and weekends though.  ...

Montessori Moms: Planting the Seeds of Growth: Managing Undesirable Behaviors : We have all been there.  The moment where you realize you've pushed your child a bit too far trying to get that one last errand in, or w...

We have all been there.  The moment where you realize you've pushed your child a bit too far trying to get that one last errand in, or when the temper tantrum that could shatter glass starts.  You saw it coming but could not stop it.  Or could you? Often times we fail to look at ourselves and take accountability for the actions or lack there of that we took to contribute to the undesirable behavior.  I am not making excuses for you child's behavior, however as the parent sometimes we need to look to ourselves to see how we could have managed a situation better. Lets take the grocery store for example.  Your child is tired but you need a few things for dinner.  While in the store your child sees a toy they want in one of the aisles.  You say no.  They cry.  You say no again, They cry harder.  You get frustrated (and maybe embarrassed).  Your child realizes this.  The last time you were in a store and they cried for the candy...

It's the most wonderful time of the year!  Well Christmas morning may be but the lead up to it can be quite overwhelming for young children.  We expect children to be "good" because Santa or the Elf is watching, but we are filling their days with baking, decorating, lights, trees, late nights, shopping, presents etc. and we want them to "behave". Kids thrive on structure and knowing what to expect. The Christmas chaos throws that out the window for sure.  As adults we get so wrapped up in the perfect Christmas we sometimes miss the simple things that will create the memories we are seeking.  Here are a few tips I have learned (it took me a while) through my own kids and observing many families over the years. 1.   Make sure you stick to bed times!  There are so many activities happening around this time of year.  Shopping, concerts, parties etc.  Try your best to make sure your child has enough rest! 2.   Behavioral expectations need to b...

As adults we make hundreds of decisions every day without even thinking.  We have had practice and understand the consequences of our bad decisions as well as the good.   Making decisions does not come naturally to all children.  In the classroom some children will wait for the teachers to choose works for them. They may need support in deciding to have snack and what friend to ask.   If they require assistance they may be hesitant to ask for help.  As their guides we direct them and help them develop comfort in their decision making skills.  We focus on the natural consequences of poor decisions and the joys of good decisions.   Decision making in general, whether good or bad, takes practice.  At home you can give your child opportunities to make decisions every day.  Encourage them to choose what clothes to wear or what to have for a snack.  Decision making for some children may need to be more structured.   Ins...

Update:  I wrote this 9 years ago and although my children are in or done with college, a lot of this still holds true.  My 2 college students are antsy and are looking foward to getting back to their routines.  Our days are not filled with poolside games and daytrips any longer but rather work, time with friends and concerts seem to rule their summers.  Looking back those summers were filled with fond memories that I would not change for the world. It is hard to believe but September is just around the corner.  I love the beginning of the school year but my children would stay in summer vacation mode for eternity, (although they start to crave structure about this time of year, they just don't realize it yet!)  Summer vacation, in our house, is pretty relaxed. Everyone has daily jobs and expectations, but it's pretty loose as far as scheduling and structure.  We do some camps in July, but mostly my kids are free to get together with friends, play game...

Don't sweat the small stuff.  I know easier said than done!  In a day when social media is bombarding us with "perfect family photos", praises of a child's test scores and accomplishments, Pinterest projects gone wild etc. it is so easy to feel as though you are not making the cut as a mom/dad.  Trust me you will not look back on your child's early years and remember the clean house, the healthy balanced meals made from scratch every day or the perfectly matching clothes etc.  You will remember the fun, the laughs and the quality time you spent together.  That is not to say that the above mentioned are not important, they just should not be how you judge yourself as a parent. To quote a good friend who has an adult child, "All the times I was so worried about making everyone happy and looking like a good mom....Making sure my house was clean, the cupboards were perfect, my child looked perfect... to be honest I don't remember any of those times.  I rememb...